Sometimes when I’m reading something, either as an editor as a reader, I come across an awkward or clumsy construction that makes me stop and think, “Why on earth did this writer do this?” Nine times out of ten, it is to avoid “overusing” a common word.
Thing is, though, common words are just that: common. So common, in fact, that they’re invisible. The eye goes right over them. Examples of this are: he, she, is, was, were, did, had (as a helping verb), character names, and said.
This is important because a reader will not notice that you’ve used a character’s name twice in the same sentence if it’s needed to make the meaning clear. A reader will, however, notice if you’ve used some clumsy descriptor:
Mary burst into the room and upon seeing the hostages tied up in a corner, the tall blonde rushed to their aid.
Not only does it sound funny, but it actually makes things more complicated, especially to a nonvisual reader who might ask, “Okay, but where did the blonde come from?”
Also, a reader will not notice if you use said in dialogue attribution, because that’s what people do: they say their dialogue. They do not cough, smile, beam, chortle, chuckle, or laugh their dialogue. Try it sometime – you’ll find that it’s not really possible to speak while you’re performing these actions. A reader is far more likely to notice – and not in a good way – the avoidance of the word said than the overuse of it.
There are some other verbs that can be used. Asked, answererd, replied, and the occasional retorted are just fine. But if you’re going to use another word for said, you need to make sure of a couple of things.
First, is the verb describing a way of speaking? Ask is. Smile is not.
Second, is the verb intransitive? Far too often I see a dialogue attribution such as: she greeted, she admonished, she reprimanded with no direct object. A transitive verb must have an object, and to include the direct object (“Hello!” she greeted her sister.) is often painfully redundant, so you have the choice of either eliminating the dialogue or using a different verb.
Finally, a lot of writing/self-editing guides suggest eliminating unnecessary instances of the word had but do not go on to explain (probably assuming that writers will know that) this does not apply to formation of the past perfect tense (I had already been there for two hours when she finally arrived).
Now, off to work!
As you and I discussed before, once, when I was laying out a newspaper, I told the editor that I would slit both my wrists and jump into a tub of hot water before I’d print what she’d written.
What she’s written was something like:
“I just love it when people admire my garden,” Mary Smith beamed.
I wanted to warn Mary that beaming harmful raybeams is likely illegal in Bethesda. (The editor tried to argue that she really was beaming and all sorts of shit. I was the designer. I butched and gave her a lecture. I won.)
Just thought others might find the anecdote amusing.
Thanks
Very useful.
I’m now going to go back and re-edit my latest effort to remove all of the references to “she grinned” (which seems to be a particular favourite of mine) and replace it with “she said”.
I may even have one or two “she said with a grin” but nothing like the number of times I’ve got “she grinned”.
Overuse of ‘he’, ‘she’ and ‘said’ makes me boil and teeter like a little black kettle, bot as a reader and as an editor. God bless, I had none of that when editing Periphery.
ooOOOooo… editor nibblet posts! most enjoyable!
(I’m working on the first two but I still screw up the last one more than I’d like to admit)…
Avoiding using these words (said, he and she) is the a mark of an amateur. Plus, trying to avoid them forces one into silly constructions and draws attention to the mechanics of the writer. I’ve often said people who avoid using “said” might as well put up a sign saying, “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.”
I was quite pleased when I found Chris Roerden using about the same metaphor in her fabulous book, “Don’t Murder Your Mystery.”